1. i don’t want to let someone get close enough to see my flaws. its
better not to let people get close to you. Cuz when you do, they see you
when you’re weak and pick you apart.
2. i don’t want to get jealous or feel threatened.
3. I don’t want anyone to get bored with me or take me for granted.
4. i don’t want to have to compromise or do anything I don’t want to do, go somewhere I don’t wanna go, hang out with people I don’t wanna hang out with… and then be made to feel or look like an asshole because of it.
5. i don’t wanna worry or care or be in a position where it matters what someones friends and/or family think of me.
6. i never want to feel alone when i’m next to someone i’m supposed to love, who’s supposed to love me.
7. i don’t want to eat whenever the person i’m dating is eating.
8. i don’t want to forget about my responsibilities and who i am because i’m so overcome with YOU!
9. i don’t want to stay up till 5am every night and not get any sleep and be too sick and tired to get my work done because i’ve made you the priority. and even if i don’t think i’m making you the priority, my time spent with you has a detrimental affect on me.
10. i don’t want to be forced to look at all my flaws and all the emotional shit that comes up in me (reflected in the person i love) that i can only see when i love someone. i don’t want to feel all the rage and unresolved abandonment issues i have yet to deal with that i can only feel when i’m in love with someone.
11. i don’t want to feel a need to change myself for the girl i’m dating.
12. i don’t want everyone who sees us together to think they have me all figured out: ‘oh, that’s Suchitr. she’s so and so’s girlfriend.’ i’m my own person! i want to be unattainable and a mystery and cool and not some guy who’s put in a box and figured out and all taken for granted.
13. i don’t want to miss out on someone who may be better for me.
14. i don’t want to feel like i’m settling and being a fool to jump into something with someone just cuz they like me. even if i do like them too.
15. i don’t want to miss out on experiences with other people: sexual, non sexual, and just intimate exchanges in general.
16. i suffer from the ‘there’s always someone better’ syndrome. or do i? i don’t know what’s more important; finding someone who’s pretty and well behaved and intelligent who treats me well or just being with someone who is low-key and a good person and kind, who loves me. can’t you have it all?
17. a part of me is so anti relationship because i feel like relationships are for people who are weak. Relationships and marriage are for the people who don’t have the better option to live life and who needs support of love and sex. I may not be right !!!
18. i don’t want to see you be weak. it’s unattractive to me. i can be weak on my own time.
19. i vacillate between i. not trusting someone who would want to be with me and thinking that there must be something wrong with her (self-esteem and worth wise) cuz i’m not enough or something. and ii. thinking i’m hot and handosme and that the girl i’m dating must not be good enough for me. i can do this with the same person, week to week. it’s exhausting… for me. and him too probably. not like i would say any of this to her face. but given my weird behavior, she would probably totes pick up on it and be annoyed/confused/and spent from it all.
20. i don’t want to be bossy.
21. I’m terrified you’re gonna get mad at me.
22. I’m terrified that you’ll have so much of an affect on me and my mood that you’ll have power over me, because I’ll actively give it to you!
23. i don’t want to try to control your life and take it on like it’s my responsibility. Even if you’re not asking, I have a tendency to take this on, and I don’t like that about me, but it only comes up when I’m with you (in a relationship).
24. i’m terrified you’ll reduce me to some ‘ol ball and chain’ stereotype.
25. i’m terrified that I’ll start looking at myself through your eyes and see what my mother saw in men. It wasn’t good.
26. i don’t want to make you my mother.
27. i don’t want to be mad at you because you’re out with your friends and happy.
———————————————————————————————————
I’m so terrified of being in a relationship. i create all these battles for myself in my head. i do desperately want to belong to someone and be loved and cherished and treasured, but another huge part of me is fine being alone and wants to remain unattainable and a mystery forever. what do i do? what’s important? i’m at odds with myself. am i only making up all these rules, and boundaries and expectations because i’m trying to keep people at arm’s length? is it my ego just working overtime trying to create separation? the logical part of me says yes. the adult part of me knows that all that matters and what’s really important is to be with someone i like and who i enjoy spending time with, who makes me laugh, who likes me and who treats me well . but the damaged guy inside me is scared of being vulnerable and being abandoned and tricked, seduced and betrayed…..
i’ve met many girls and dated them too. I’ve seen good things and bad in all of them. I just want to laugh and feel safe and be with someone who’s understanding. i want to feel content and calm and motivated and supported and understood… all at the same time.
help. i’m fine. i love you. No, I don't love you. Look at me. don’t look at me. Grrrrr........confused....
2. i don’t want to get jealous or feel threatened.
3. I don’t want anyone to get bored with me or take me for granted.
4. i don’t want to have to compromise or do anything I don’t want to do, go somewhere I don’t wanna go, hang out with people I don’t wanna hang out with… and then be made to feel or look like an asshole because of it.
5. i don’t wanna worry or care or be in a position where it matters what someones friends and/or family think of me.
6. i never want to feel alone when i’m next to someone i’m supposed to love, who’s supposed to love me.
7. i don’t want to eat whenever the person i’m dating is eating.
8. i don’t want to forget about my responsibilities and who i am because i’m so overcome with YOU!
9. i don’t want to stay up till 5am every night and not get any sleep and be too sick and tired to get my work done because i’ve made you the priority. and even if i don’t think i’m making you the priority, my time spent with you has a detrimental affect on me.
10. i don’t want to be forced to look at all my flaws and all the emotional shit that comes up in me (reflected in the person i love) that i can only see when i love someone. i don’t want to feel all the rage and unresolved abandonment issues i have yet to deal with that i can only feel when i’m in love with someone.
11. i don’t want to feel a need to change myself for the girl i’m dating.
12. i don’t want everyone who sees us together to think they have me all figured out: ‘oh, that’s Suchitr. she’s so and so’s girlfriend.’ i’m my own person! i want to be unattainable and a mystery and cool and not some guy who’s put in a box and figured out and all taken for granted.
13. i don’t want to miss out on someone who may be better for me.
14. i don’t want to feel like i’m settling and being a fool to jump into something with someone just cuz they like me. even if i do like them too.
15. i don’t want to miss out on experiences with other people: sexual, non sexual, and just intimate exchanges in general.
16. i suffer from the ‘there’s always someone better’ syndrome. or do i? i don’t know what’s more important; finding someone who’s pretty and well behaved and intelligent who treats me well or just being with someone who is low-key and a good person and kind, who loves me. can’t you have it all?
17. a part of me is so anti relationship because i feel like relationships are for people who are weak. Relationships and marriage are for the people who don’t have the better option to live life and who needs support of love and sex. I may not be right !!!
18. i don’t want to see you be weak. it’s unattractive to me. i can be weak on my own time.
19. i vacillate between i. not trusting someone who would want to be with me and thinking that there must be something wrong with her (self-esteem and worth wise) cuz i’m not enough or something. and ii. thinking i’m hot and handosme and that the girl i’m dating must not be good enough for me. i can do this with the same person, week to week. it’s exhausting… for me. and him too probably. not like i would say any of this to her face. but given my weird behavior, she would probably totes pick up on it and be annoyed/confused/and spent from it all.
20. i don’t want to be bossy.
21. I’m terrified you’re gonna get mad at me.
22. I’m terrified that you’ll have so much of an affect on me and my mood that you’ll have power over me, because I’ll actively give it to you!
23. i don’t want to try to control your life and take it on like it’s my responsibility. Even if you’re not asking, I have a tendency to take this on, and I don’t like that about me, but it only comes up when I’m with you (in a relationship).
24. i’m terrified you’ll reduce me to some ‘ol ball and chain’ stereotype.
25. i’m terrified that I’ll start looking at myself through your eyes and see what my mother saw in men. It wasn’t good.
26. i don’t want to make you my mother.
27. i don’t want to be mad at you because you’re out with your friends and happy.
———————————————————————————————————
I’m so terrified of being in a relationship. i create all these battles for myself in my head. i do desperately want to belong to someone and be loved and cherished and treasured, but another huge part of me is fine being alone and wants to remain unattainable and a mystery forever. what do i do? what’s important? i’m at odds with myself. am i only making up all these rules, and boundaries and expectations because i’m trying to keep people at arm’s length? is it my ego just working overtime trying to create separation? the logical part of me says yes. the adult part of me knows that all that matters and what’s really important is to be with someone i like and who i enjoy spending time with, who makes me laugh, who likes me and who treats me well . but the damaged guy inside me is scared of being vulnerable and being abandoned and tricked, seduced and betrayed…..
i’ve met many girls and dated them too. I’ve seen good things and bad in all of them. I just want to laugh and feel safe and be with someone who’s understanding. i want to feel content and calm and motivated and supported and understood… all at the same time.
help. i’m fine. i love you. No, I don't love you. Look at me. don’t look at me. Grrrrr........confused....
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