Life Crisis !!!

what do u get the idea from the phrase" life crisis"? full of problems, full of worries, full of uncertainties? but i would say, it means to me "full of surprises". whenever a good thing happens to us, we say" what a surprise!", but never say the same thing whenever a bad thing happen to us, why? did u expect that before? no, right? the same way, i never expected my life will face so much of problems, one by one back to back with surprise. yes, my life is full of surprises of problems.

Just after the completion of my MBA, there had to be a job with me. but it was two months passed and i didnt have a job , u may say because of recession or my fate. By the time , my friends would have saved ONE lakh rupees each. i think sometime i should not have gone for MBA, rather i would have join a job with my engineering background. but i had committed the mistake. A man with an engineering degree and a Master degree cant sit idle at home. he must get a job because there are a very few people who have both the engg and master degree.what do u think? i should have a job, right? yes, my family also thought the same. tired of sending me money every month, they were always pushing me to join a job. One day i heard from my mom that my father is lying to every one in the neighbor that i am already doing a job to hide the fact that his son with engg. and MBA degree still does not have a job and asking money every month from him. that was shameful. IF i were in his place, i would have done the same thing. That did hurt me the most.Because of me, my father has to lie. Just after two days, i told my parents that i joined a job with Rs.6000 salary per month, though it was a complete lie. i didnt want my parents to feel shame for me.

Responding to the fact of getting a job, my family stopped sending me money.There starts my financial crisis. And i started borrowing from my friends for the house rent, food, petrol, etc etc.Almost after two month, i got a decent job with Rs.6500 salary per month in an institute as course coordinator. My profile was to handle all the official work plus marketing for students. Actually most of the time, i was sent for marketing because there was less work in office and that increased my petrol expenditure with my bike which shows only 18-20km per liter. oh, ho, what are you thinking? i dont have a harley davison or some bike of that standard.Actually i have a secondhand Bajaj Spirit(scooty) which is in so bad condition that it only shows that mileage. 

The salary was not sufficient enough for me.because i need in total (house rent -3500 + electric bill - 200 + TV bill - 400 + food - 1500 + Cooking Gas- 500 + petrol- 1500 plus extra expenditure(for gf) - 1500) Rs.9100 and my salary was full short of Rs. 2600. Though i had a job, nut my borrowings was still on from my friends.Thanks to all my friends who helped me that time.

You must be thinking of why my house rent is so high. Actually we two friends wanted to share the flat with half rent each but just after one month, he left because of job. and it had one year agreement, so i couldnt leave that flat before the agreement expires.i wanted to accommodate some one more person with me but as my girlfriend used to visit me more often, i wanted that someone to be one of my friends who wont have any problem with my girlfriend visit. though two of my friends stayed there for some month(temporarily), i never asked for a single money from them and i should not have also.

Meantime, i was also preparing for all the PSUs and banking examination. And because of marketing job and official pressure, i never could prepare so well as a result i was not clicking any where in any examination. when ever i put my roll no. in the list of selected candidates to check whether i am selected or not, every time it showed " Your roll no. does not appear in the list, thank u for applying". I knew if i continue this job, i will never click and if i want to click, i have to quit the job. But what about my daily expenditure? where will i get the money?

So, to click with the exam and to tackle with financial problem, i thought of joining another company with higher salary. so that i can save something and after 3 to 4 month, i can leave the job and concentrate on my preparation.So with the help of fake experience certificate of more than 3 years including after my engg and during the MBA( thanks to my computer skills), i joined another college with salary Rs.30,000 per month with basic Rs.12,500 plus allowances plus incentives.after 3 month in the previous company, i joined this college "Aim Business School" as Senior Relationship Manager. my job profile was student marketing. i started working there forming a team of 10 to 12 members. i was the best performer for the first two months also. Meanwhile to cope with my petrol expenditure and to get a new bike in finance, i asked for Rs. 15000 from my family. My family also sent me the money. it was almost after six month, i asked for money from my family. but the surprise was waiting for me, when i didnt get a single money for my salary month after month.they just say tomorrow, next day, next week, 20th of this month, next month for sure. four month passed, i kept asking but i didnt get a single rupee. by the time, i had already spent those Rs.15000 from my family plus almost Rs. 10000 borrowed from my friends.

MY house owner also kept yelling at me for not paying his rent, and to ld me to leave the flat, though it was second last month of the agreement. Getting frustrated, i went for a strike in office, but they kicked me out of the office saying"you will never get your salary, go and do whatever you want". I went to the police station filing an FIR (my life's first FIR) against the Director of the college, But to no result, the Director didnt come to police station for a compromise though the police called him at least 10 to 12 times. i even visited his office with the police but he was not there. 3 days passed, he never came and his phone was out of reach. The police told me to file a case in Labor Court against him. I knew it will cost me something , but i dared to file a case because it was about my 4 month salary almost Rs. 60,000.After filing the case, they gave me a date for hearing and i had to spend around Rs.1000 for the formalities and to send a notice to the college by the Court.On the hearing date, when i arrived at the court, got to know that, no one received the notice in office sent by the court. so they didnt come. So i had to pay again to the court to send the notice. i paid it, they gave me another hearing date "27th Oct. yet the date to come.

Meanwhile i was kicked out of the flat for being unable to pay the rent.My girl friend fought with me for so many matters(i will write about it in another blog).Friends who had lend me their money, started asking to return. Yes, my family still does not know about my last job and the court case. they think i am still doing the first job and getting salary each month. i dint say anything to them because they will simply say to withdraw the case and return to home and no need to do a job. i cant do that, i will get my salary anyhow, because i have worked hard there.Sometimes, they ask whether i bought the bike or not, i just avoid it by saying "my finance application could not be approved and i am looking for another way."But the truth is i have spent every single money of that Rs15,000 plus around Rs. 20,000 from my friends. It has already 5 month passed and i am in debt of Rs. 35,000 +(dont know how to pay back and when)

After getting kicked out of the flat, i am right now staying in a hostel with 6 more boys in my room and total 30 boys in the hostel. Here also i still the debt of Rs.400 to the hostel owner. Now- a -days i have joined a part time job, the same student marketing job. getting paid at the spot. somehow being able to earn 3 to 4 thousand each month but not being able to get out of the debt. whenever friends ask for their money, i just avoid it by saying " next month, i will return for sure". Sometimes i dont pick up their calls. 

Thinking of going to Bangalore or Delhi, but all my exams, i have applied for, the center for exam is here in bhubaneswar and once i go there i cant come down here again and again to appear the exam. still 3 or 4 exams to be appeared.And to survive there for first one or two month, i also need money that i dont have. If i go and join a job there then i just cant get enough time to study for my exams. But i really want to join PSUs or banking sector for which i need to study.

Now- a-days, my bike does not get started. my laptop does not work, my ipod stopped showing light, my TV has changed its color from vivid to green, my mobile battery, keypad showing problems. i dont have money to repair those. One of my friends always asks me" tell me a thing belongs to you in a good condition". And in reply i just say" nothing, not even my mind or body".

Struggling with life, still being able to manage. Yes, it happens, sometimes i eat and sometimes i dont(of course because of financial problems), but i am still alive and fit. i dont know for how long, my life crisis will go on but i pray to God to give me strength to stand upon it.

I'm so Lonely !!

No one, except the person who suffers it, knows what it is like to be lonely. This condition is one of the worst illnesses of the mind and heart, primarily because very few recognize it as a problem. Most people like to believe that those who experience loneliness deserve it because of some defect in their genetic makeup or a flaw in their nature. There are other people who think that lonely individuals are selfish, self-absorbed human beings, who avoid mingling with the masses out of pride or conceit.
As I said, no one except the sufferer knows what a person who is lonely goes through everyday. A lonely person can lead a life of quiet desperation or express the pain of loneliness in a self-destructive manner.
Yet, certain souls exist who accept the loneliness of their existence and attempt to make the best of it. Animal people adopt cats or dogs, hamsters or chickens and find companionship in the innocence of these creatures. Some adopt a baby and assuage their feelings of loneliness by nurturing a young life. Others dedicate themselves to social work and find solace in caring for those who are in need.
Finally, a particular kind of lonely individuals find companionship in books. They’re probably not animal people, so pets are ruled out; their parenting skills are very limited, therefore the question of adoption as a single parent doesn’t arise. Those with unstable financial situations could not possibly abandon paying jobs and become social workers (another reason why lonely souls are considered selfish – they supposedly abandon responsibility and roam around trying to save the world; contrarily, not helping the needy makes them selfish in the eyes of high-minded people as well. It’s a vicious circle.)

This particular breed of lonely individuals finds companionship in books. Old proverbs and sayings notwithstanding, I have learned that books can indeed become true friends. How, you ask? Well, permit me to elaborate (but not so much that the reader gets more bored!)

Most book lovers have an expansive collection or library of books. Some may treat it like a circulating library, lending books to friends and borrowing from others. In my opinion, however, a true book lover is one who treasures his or her private book collection more than the greatest treasure in the world. And who wouldn’t guard such valuable items carefully? Book lovers or   are known to jealously protect their books from borrowers, thieves and vandals. They maintain their bookshelf or cupboard regularly, keeping it free of dust and/or vermin. They would never write on their books with ink lest its beauty be spoiled. They count their book collection, not as an asset to be sold at any point, but as a friend or relative to love and cherish as long as they live. And no, they wouldn’t want to be buried with their books. Their love of the written word would compel them to donate their book collection to someone who could take care of it and gain as much knowledge from it as the book worms did when they lived.

It seems like a sad and lonely life. Well, it is. But voracious readers know that no one who loves books can ever be really lonely. They might have moments of self-pity, but those pass quickly and once they pick up that sheaf of paper bound in an illustrated cover, every negative feeling vanishes. Books take willing readers on fascinating journeys through different places and into the lives of characters. They enrich their minds with knowledge and teach them to appreciate the beauty of language. Books are constant companions through good times and bad, in sickness and in health for as long as the reader and the read shall live.

As Francis Bacon said, “For friends…do but look upon good books: they are true friends, that will neither flatter nor dissemble.”

I AM NOT A LADY !!!

Standard-1, First class in school
The class teacher shouted" Roll No -39, Suchitra Pradhan" looking at the girl's side.but noone responded from girl's side.the teacher again shouted "Roll No - 39, Suchitra Pradhan". Suddenly a hand raised from the boy's side from the back bench responding " Present Sir".
Teacher - "what's your name? Suchitra Pradhan?"
Student - "No, Sir, it's Suchitr Pradhan"
Teacher - Oh, you are Suchitr, not Suchitra". (It's written Suchitra But pronounced Suchitr)
Student - "yes, sir"
Teacher - "Dont you have a middle name?"
Student - " yes, Sir, Suchitr Kumar Pradhan"

That was the first time, i remember someone called me "Suchitra, with a girl's name". Just after the class, everyone mocked at me asking"Suchitra, why are you on boy's side? go to girl's side. Do you have a dick or a pussy?". that day, i could not say anything to anyone but i alway wanted to say" i have a dick, i am a boy, not a girl".

From the first class of first day, every teacher called me first"Suchitra" and every time i responded "Sir/Ma'm, its not suchitra, its suchitr, Suchitr kumar pradhan". Every time teacher called me with that name, laughing goes around the class.Yeah, i can say, for that name, everyone in my class remembered me that there is a boy with girl's name. From the very first class, i was known face because of my name.

School to high school, high school to college, every time, every where, teacher, student, whoever read my name for the first time called me Suchitra and every time i respocded back" Suchitr, its not Suchitra"

A great person has once said"What's in a name?naam me kya rakha hai?" but for me, yes, there is something in a name, it makes your identity, it signifies your gender.but my name changes my gender. Every time to everyone, i have to clarify that i am not a lady, i am a man.

When you appear for an interview, what does an interviewer question you first? thing is different with me. Every time i appeared an interview, interviewer starts with the question" why is your name like that?". And i have to explain them with the same answer again and again " Sir, my eldest brother name is Bichitra, my middle brother name is Pabitra. My parents wanted a name to match with the sound of the other two names, they found" Suchitra" the best. SO they kept it." Thats how my name is Suchitra.

How would you feel, if someone calls with a girl's name? It's not their fault, or my fault or my parents fault. Then whose fault it is? why my brother's name were kept as those for which my name had to be kept to match to name of them? friends name me "Suchi", which is of course a girl's name. Every time there is a girl with the same name in my class, we both respond to same call.

Whenever someone asks my name, i answer "Suchitr". but the one who asks, cant take my name as a girl's name, so he respond" oh, Sujit, Sudit, Suchit etc etc.". A man with beard and mustache cant have a girl's name. but i have and thats true.

Even my X-girlfriend was hesitating to tell my name to her friends that she has a boyfriend with a girl's name.i know every one will laugh on her.i knew she didnt like my name. that's why she used to call me "Somu" and her friends call me "Somu bhaiya". She burst out laughing when ever she hears my eldest brother name " Bichitra". i dont know why but she finds it peculiar.

Seriously, but i never tried to hide my real name to anyone or never told any other name to any unknown person. Why should I? My parents kept it with their love.I know with this name i will be known to everyone.i will never change my name by affidavit. i will keep going with the same name forever and ever and will keep saying"its Suchitr, not Suchitra", "i am not a lady, i am a MAN.

Blogging Reinstalled !!!!!!!!

hey All......
i really dont know whoever is following my blogs or not, but i have thought of starting it again almost after one year. you might be thinking my last blog was in 2008 and , this blog is on 2010, so its two year gap. but thats not true, i was writing my blogs, but it was dedicated to someone who used to be special for me but not now. so i deleted all the blogs i wrote for that person. so though the last blog"my birthday celebration" is showing my last blog, but its not the last blog. whatever, i have started it again.hopefully i will keep sharing my life with you all forever.i may repeat some of my past experience since my last blog, so go through it. because i learned a lot from those. and at last, i need all your views and comments.so share your opinion with me.
Thanks a lot......
Best luck to me.....
bye