It was year 1995, when I was in seventh standard. It was time when guys were still to discover anything else except playing Cricket, wearing good clothes, experimenting with hair styles, thinking about girl, sex, career, and girls were not shortening their skirts to flaunt their legs, yet to discover hair remover to remove hair on their legs, talking about love and the most handsome guy in the class. We were not enjoying the romantic movies that time. Only action movies excited use. The happy and en-joyful pre-puberty days.
And that's the time I had my first ever crush. It was Ganesh/Saraswati pooja( I exactly don't remember)in school. I reached school a little earlier than others to attend the pooja. None had reached yet and I was all alone standing in the middle of the road, when I saw her. A girl in a red frock was running towards me in slow motion. I was standing in the middle of the road on the front barendah of the school watching her running towards me.
She was like the first breeze of autumn, she was mid-summer night's dream. Her eyes were so perfect, her pink lips were the cutest and most beautiful lips to create the most enjoying sight to view. She was so hard to describe. The sun light reflected off her perfectly sculpted face, seemed the only light illuminating the place.
Within next few minutes, she crossed me. I could smell her fragrance. It was like a magnetic force that slowly turned me 180 degree to keep looking at her till she was out of my sight. I remained still, couldn't move an inch. The world, air, people everything around me frozen for a while. I couldn't believe I just saw a girl of my dream.
My plan was to stay for one or two hours at school to attend puspanjali, have prasad and return to home. But, I spent around 5 to 6 hours in search of her, looking at her in the crowd. I wanted to know who is she, which class she is in, what's her name, where does she saty, does she have a bf etc. etc..
That night and next few days I couldn't think of anything else except her. I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't ask about her to anyone in the school because I was very shy and I had a very limited friends(who were only backbenchers). None ever talked about girls that time. If you start talking about a girl, everybody will start teasing you. And to be that in front of girls, that will be very embarrassing. I never had a friend who was a girl whom I could ask about her. I was very shy and conservative type of guy though I had been noticed by some of my batch-mates because of my scholarship won in 3rd and 5th class and also for my Cricket skills.
I hesitated to ask about her to anyone.One day, finally I gathered some courage to ask one of my friends about her. He told that her name is Priya, she stays in Madhuban(Paradip), she is in 7th standard(our batch-mate), but belong to a different section. I was wondering how I didn't see her even once before. I was glad to know something about her. I wanted to know more but one information about her shattered my dream. It was "the topper of our batch(Biswaranjan) likes her and he is after her". That was it. I could not believe it, but I realized that there is no chance of mine with her in compare to Biswaranjan. I was like no one in the school. Hardly 2o guys knew me and none even knew I was among the first 30 rank students. I was hardly visible to anyone and the topper whom everyone knows was after her. I was nothing in compare to the most intelligent and good looking guy- the topper of our batch. I lost my battle to the topper without even fighting.
I stopped thinking about her, inquiring about her or talking about her. I was such a coward. I kept myself alone for the rest of the day and felt disgusted with myself.
I tried to erase that memory of the incident ever since. But it only depended the inferiority complex and exacerbated my fear of talking to girls. The incident kept me reminding me that I was nobody and worthless.
Things changed thereafter, pretty drastically.
And that's the time I had my first ever crush. It was Ganesh/Saraswati pooja( I exactly don't remember)in school. I reached school a little earlier than others to attend the pooja. None had reached yet and I was all alone standing in the middle of the road, when I saw her. A girl in a red frock was running towards me in slow motion. I was standing in the middle of the road on the front barendah of the school watching her running towards me.
She was like the first breeze of autumn, she was mid-summer night's dream. Her eyes were so perfect, her pink lips were the cutest and most beautiful lips to create the most enjoying sight to view. She was so hard to describe. The sun light reflected off her perfectly sculpted face, seemed the only light illuminating the place.
Within next few minutes, she crossed me. I could smell her fragrance. It was like a magnetic force that slowly turned me 180 degree to keep looking at her till she was out of my sight. I remained still, couldn't move an inch. The world, air, people everything around me frozen for a while. I couldn't believe I just saw a girl of my dream.
My plan was to stay for one or two hours at school to attend puspanjali, have prasad and return to home. But, I spent around 5 to 6 hours in search of her, looking at her in the crowd. I wanted to know who is she, which class she is in, what's her name, where does she saty, does she have a bf etc. etc..
That night and next few days I couldn't think of anything else except her. I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't ask about her to anyone in the school because I was very shy and I had a very limited friends(who were only backbenchers). None ever talked about girls that time. If you start talking about a girl, everybody will start teasing you. And to be that in front of girls, that will be very embarrassing. I never had a friend who was a girl whom I could ask about her. I was very shy and conservative type of guy though I had been noticed by some of my batch-mates because of my scholarship won in 3rd and 5th class and also for my Cricket skills.
I hesitated to ask about her to anyone.One day, finally I gathered some courage to ask one of my friends about her. He told that her name is Priya, she stays in Madhuban(Paradip), she is in 7th standard(our batch-mate), but belong to a different section. I was wondering how I didn't see her even once before. I was glad to know something about her. I wanted to know more but one information about her shattered my dream. It was "the topper of our batch(Biswaranjan) likes her and he is after her". That was it. I could not believe it, but I realized that there is no chance of mine with her in compare to Biswaranjan. I was like no one in the school. Hardly 2o guys knew me and none even knew I was among the first 30 rank students. I was hardly visible to anyone and the topper whom everyone knows was after her. I was nothing in compare to the most intelligent and good looking guy- the topper of our batch. I lost my battle to the topper without even fighting.
I stopped thinking about her, inquiring about her or talking about her. I was such a coward. I kept myself alone for the rest of the day and felt disgusted with myself.
I tried to erase that memory of the incident ever since. But it only depended the inferiority complex and exacerbated my fear of talking to girls. The incident kept me reminding me that I was nobody and worthless.
Things changed thereafter, pretty drastically.
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